The Anatomy of Communication in a Relationship!

The main issue is the lack of communication! It is a skill that people in relationships lack all over the country, but I feel like it is especially an issue in the lower financial class, and under educated households.  Communication is a natural and nurtured reaction and skill. I say it is both nature and nurture driven because yes some people are just great communicators, but the way they choose to communicate is just as important as the act itself.

In a lot of relationships both sides bring baggage and the lack of effective communication is 1 big suitcase that people lay on their mate’s emotional floor! Plus if a person has not seen an effective relationship where communication is vibrant, successful, respectful, and integral then they are most likely to bring that broken style of communication into their relationship as well. The faults of cheating and revenge, and spite are all acted out in most cases because people refuse to just admit they have made mistakes, or feel a certain way about the transgressions of their mate, yet they don’t know how to tell them verbally, so they act out instead.

A simple talk about financial stress and feelings of not want and abandon can be resolved by both parties sitting down and discussing the when’s and why’s of their relationship saving them from committing crimes of the heart against the other person, because they are to filled with the anxiety, embarrassment, and fear they are filled with when they think of just talking about their feelings. This issue is not just a man’s problem; it is a sickness and disease both sexes have.

Men call it pride and foolish terms such as “me being me”, and “this is what men do” when they are explaining their childish behavior, and their inability to talk and effectively communicate their feelings. Mainly because they weren’t shown an image of a man even doing that for a fear he would be conceived as weak or gay!

Women on the other hand have no issue with discussing their emotions and issues with their friends, family, and strangers, but when it comes to their mate they clam up on the true important matters and focus on trivial things that the man has no idea of why it even matters!  Which cause a void of trust and faith and opens the door for lies and deception on both part, yet their mothers and girlfriends will know the whole scoop! Their childish behavior is brought on by a fear of being alone, and missing out on “a good thing” because if they just show a man the image they think the man thinks he wants to see, then he will never leave them. Even though we all know this is false.

Honest and truthful communication a clean slate and realizing not all issues have resolutions that are prevalent and immediate, but if the issues are on the table then they can be worked on and ironed out between both parties, as long as they are committed to doing so and bringing all issues to the fore front can only relive stress, and avoid ignorant and permanent damage effecting all sides of people physically and emotionally!  It will also break the mold of ineffective communication for your children because they will see how adults are supposed to handle life amongst each other, and in business dealings as well. Effective and decisive communication builds confidence and integrity in people, and also shows a person’s worth in way that is immeasurable.

Hipocratic Society

I mean people seem to think that a stint in the jail house is some sort of restitution or real quality punishment for a crime! Look as you and I both know once a “crime” is commited it reaches well beyond the criminal and the victim and thats on both sides some people put more thought into thier choice of shoes than they do on whether or not too commit a crime and if they are caught then that is a self imposed black eye didn’t anybody do it to them, and if your in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong people choose your friends better! The real issue here is the same as with many of the nations new issues alot of people don’t care about things until it affects them for years plenty of people ahve been against drugs, drinking, homosexuality, abortion, etc… but the difference is now thier kids, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles are those very people they have such distane for previously and now their thoughts  and feelings have changed and they start making excuses for the same people because its thier son, or daughter, etc… thats what cracks me up is the hipocratic attitude we have adopted as Americans.

Exactly! The fear that working for your self and building yourself up alot of politicians mostly Dems place in advertisments and on speeches and they always put the dirty little black children out there for dispaly and they use the worst examples of people instead of asking the working poor and mid income people who “make too much” for assistance but at the same time they are the ones actually struggling! Day care, groceries, bills, rent/mortgage, no help from anyone besides an occasional church program or family member thats just as poor, but be lazy or work just enough and the goverment handouts are plenty and abundant; its a shamockery state of situations the way your treated for being independent and standing up proudly! Blacks have had a me first attitude since the master whipped the biggest slave to death instilling fear in the woman and the weak men so they would covet thier children and pass that type of fear onto them the fear that sticking up and speaking out would lead to your demise so acceptance of ignorance as long as a handout was there for you was to be accepted! Not until WWI did blacks really realize that there was a way out of the South and they could and did deserve more but where they failed was in the lack of effort to get their brothers and sisters mothers and fathers that remained to buy into that same notion and the slave mentality although decades removed from that era still remained fresh in many peoples heads which kept them accepting those hand outs and beliving they had a friend in Mr. Bob! But the whole time they friend Mr. Bob was eating good off thier choices and they still feeding the machine that Mr. Bob created because there is a fear of what might happen if they actually tried to become great and break free of the ignorance they call reality! We as blacks used to hold our heads high that our children were orderly, and we looked decent and kept our business prrivate now look at us! Just watch television and see the bafoonery and foolish images we are betraying now, it is worse than it was during the minstrels of the south and black face Amos and Andy but the worst part is we don’t even care!

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THE CLUB EPIDEMIC!!!

Hopefully 1 day black people will realize the “club” is nothing but a distraction created to keep us down trotten, ignorant, lustfull, and dazed of alcohol and drugs! Peoples lives are at stake, and instead of taking time to invest in thier own future, and ensure thier kids future they fall for the ignorance and foolish ideas of a workless, crimes pay, self indulgence, and childish like dream the “artist” put on cd’s and the DJ blast over the public speakers, all used as mental drugs and hyptnosis to keep us down and not following a realistic dream, to help themselves and help others!
At home is where you need to be tending to your children and your responsibilities, if you have none then choose someone better than a slick talkin man, or a hot crotch permiscuous slut, because no matter what neither 1 of them can be changed! That is if you respect and love yourself, if not then “PLAYA PLAY ON!”

Black heroes (my anwser to a facebook question)

There is a void when we speak of leaders of today! Brittany not eberybody is on the same path of awareness that you and I have decided to for lack of a better term “GPS”, we live in a world were money has replaced many peoples desire to lead!
As I said before Jay-Z and Beyonce aren’t on the same statue as The Greats Martin, Malcolm, Evers, Garvey, etc… but on the same token Jay-Z, Beyonce, Will, Jada, Tavis, Dr. Cornell West, M.E.Dyson, etc… are who we have too depend on and make educated choices on what is valid and honorable! Louisville is a prime example of what being “stuck” is about, there is no reason for the ignorant deaths and violence to exude among our people from the West End to Newburgh! A feeling of lost, and jilted oppurtunities have encapsulated our race and communities! When all the while the lesson of personnal responsibilty is the real answer to 90% of the problems we as a people face!

Malcolm and Martin taught this basic aspect, as a life long building block! But as they were deemed to powerfull they were killed, using what I think is “The Cut the head off the snake routine”. Which really started with the assination of JFK they thought that for sure enough if they killed a President then those with similar thoughts would silence themselves, Martin wouldn’t, so then they tried running his name down in the dirt, you should read about what “BLACKS” had to say about Martin and his “Radical stances” because once they realized that he stood fro everyone, not just blacks they couldn’t pigeon hole him! So on and on he spoke out agianst sexism, racesim, immigration, and equal pay (he supported the unions) because he knew that even though you might gain some “freedom” what good does it do if you can’t pay the bills! But most of all his speeches and conversations about the Vietnam War and its condemnation is what got him killed! He wouldn’t tkae their hush money, because he knew that the drugs and guns, and funds that were being funneld back into our country was wrong and it was the Governments doing so, he didn’t understand why so many men and women of color were fighting for a country that was supporting the oppresser of the country we were invading! The Vietnam war placed the American disenfranchised and unrepresented in a position to go kill the Vietnamese that were in the same situation! So he had to go, because “what the government can’t control they destroy!”

The positive influencers that left from this era were bought, killed, jailed, and silenced! Jessie Jackson was well positioned to take the steering wheel and drive the vehicle after King was pushed out, but he chose the CASH! Abernathy landed himself in jail for 1 last time then he kinda gave up a few are in public service, as politicians and some are clergy!

Well by that time you have a situation were you have, a group of strong determined, stout, and proud people just chomping at the bit for a leader,  someone to take Martin’s lead and continue to speak out and preach equality for everyone, but no one stepped up! So now you have some people who have moved out the ghettos and burroughs of the North and South because before Martin we had a great migration from the South to the North, East, and West Coast some were educated and many were not depending on when they left the south but for decades they had been washing and cleaning for the whites and well to do’s but at the same time waiting for their chance to say hey look at my lawn and get out the poorest areas, where even though they new what they had since it was infected by blacks it wasn’t good enough, because for a bunch of them they didn’t love themselves! Sound familiar? So they left and behind them they left a young base of people some influenced by Martin, some by Malcolm, some by the drug addicted fathers that came back from Vietnam, some that just had no one at all, by this time women had hit the workplace and home wasn’t what it used to be! In communities where holding on your shoe strings and. Living check to check but to have a good time was always cheap and easy people get lost! Instead of positive black role models they were replaced with “Blackexplotation” ya “Supafly”, “Shaft”, “Dolomites”, all the while people who had followed Martin and Malcolm found new leaders and heros created by Jews and white writers played by Black men and women! Throw in some welfare, food stamps, projects, and cocaine and there you have the 80’s, 90’s, early turn of the Century black people!

But all was not lost because in communities you still had those that held onto to those basic core values and principals, teachers, educators, those entrpanuers, those who knew education was the key and they didn’t let the dynasty of Martin and Malcolm the Garvey and Tubman fighters that were white and black they called it “Black History” see not everyone could leave the ghetto, and those that stayed were not all bad and people who went astray thanks to a strong tie to the church and family!  Those were the people that raised their children not to forget where they came from so they wouldn’t be sure to repeat it! When the schools deliberatly ommitted African American studies in texgt books and denied slavery tried to act as if it never happened they fought for the truth, they fought for Black History in the classrooms and what wasn’t taught in schools was taught in homes and reinforced there by fathers and mothers hardworking individuals that belived in personal responsibility and self motivation and their children did too.

But on the flip side you had your lost and weary, your nonmotivated, lazy, slimey, low and cracked individuals that just couldn’t do right the easy street was their way to the top, some made it some didn’t. And throw in your professional athletes, and Ivy Leaguers and you have our parents generation for the most part whatever side of this coin you your family falls on you can trace it back to its source, some families who’s whole family tree dates back to the Southwick, Cotter homes, Parkhill etc untill they tore them down! Is it all their fault no, but at the end of the day you can only depend on you!

As you know crack and drugs, and urban squaller pertty much laid the ground work for our generation whether it directly affected you or not, that didn’t change the fact that you have a young and impressionable people that are just freed and opened to the “newness” of these oppurtunities their forefathers only dreamed of and died for!  It is why our jails are full of black, and latino men and women, it is the reason that States changed their laws to include align themselves with Federal agencies to attack “the problem” but more than anything they came up with new ways to distract us and keep us off balance! You name it tv, radio, news, internet, work, and church all these things are used to keep the family a broken and ununited unit, child support, is a family killer, the way they have placed a higher value on minority women and their worth more than a minority man is a family unit destroyer, the way money is used to keep you dependant on the government and the temporary benefits are family killers! The power that a stranger outside your home has to say whether you can spank your child or not is a family unit killer! Because they seen if they can kill the family, then they can kill the weak and undesirable! Well 1 of the major problems blacks have had is our willingness to fall for the lies that “our past is just that, the past” and we should leave it there! NEGATIVE, our past is the only tool we have to help us survive this present and the future!

Your feelings are Jay-Z and Beyonce don’t have anything to offer us as role models, I say this anytime a drugdealer can make it out the prohects legally flipping they dirty money to clean money, and also embrace their humble upbringings when your grand dad was a preacher, your mother a single 1, your faced with death just palying the playground, yes your life and road to success wasn’t through the doors of Harvard but I believe amuch harder door to break down, but when you make your goal is too rebuild your neighborhood, you have been to pay homage to your motherland and invested there as well with providing the basic needs of humans that we take for granted, you give clothes to the poor, because you own the company, you bring your money back to the community to create jobs by building a sports complex in your hood because you bought a sizable portion of the teams you bypass the average “have a baby, by and be a millionaire” attitude rampant by your “peers”.  When you and your wife who just happens to be black and the most successful at her game, tag team to make sure you do all you can to get the 1st black President elected (you know your hero Obama) when you single handedly turn the game around from guns and drugs to destiny and focus, from being somebody questionable to someone, respectable I have to say I can find honor in that, you know what they say you are judged by the company you keep, Oprah, Obama, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet, etc… I have to say you deserve some respect!

We have to get waht we can from the people we invest in our leaders today are not as peachy keen and clean cut as our fore fathers, but that doesn’t mean they can’t or don’t have anything to offer! You have tolook beyonf the song and dance, they can’t help it they had to do what they felt was the best option to make it out the hood, and make a positve difference. And bring that success to the hood, Tiger Woods, he is no role model, but because for so long his good clean cut looks, and respectabke tone kept the white man fooled, therfore that allowed him a pass card and once whitey accepted it Blacks the accepted it! This clown denied his own race so much he went out his way to explain just how black he wasn’t hell he broke it down into percentages on our ass! He ain’t never gave shit back, or used his influence for nothing black related! “Tiger where having watermelon and fried chicken just for you at the Masters!” “Well okay Bob! Oh and don’t forget the Orange soda! Thank ya boss!” Yeah he smackedthem around the course, but he was the fool the whole time, and serves his btchass what has happened to him!  That’s the type of “Black Role model” that is being portrayed as the real positive black man and that is a LIE! They are some points and people missing I know but this is my rough draft feedback is wanted! Positive or negative!